Rhyme Stoppers

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Sample of Rhymes:

1. ATM Dementia

Withdrawing money from the ATM, which I dearly Hate,

(except for a little dementia), I was keeping things Straight.

So I punched in my pin number and the readout Read

That’s Columbus’s birthday, you moron!—Try again, ’cause he’s Dead!

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Can you imaginemy embarrassment? Oh—what a Boo-boo!

I had punched in Columbus’s birthday instead of my birthday (1942).

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Dementia can be pretty Cruel

But the ATM paid me inPesos—Boy! Was that ever Cool!

2. Bank Account Libido

Upon Reflection–a bank account balance is a lot like an Erection.

You eagerly stroke it with deposits to increase its girth and Size

And just when you need it most

It shrivels up before your very Eyes.

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You’ve been banging your bank account way too hard—you Looney!

How do you expect to generate any interest

With a bank balance that Puny?

3. Egg Salad Insanity

Egg salad sandwiches? That’s my favorite Meal!

I’d kill for an egg salad sandwich even do the ChickenReel.

So I was making my egg salad and got into a Jam

The hard-boiled eggs wouldn’t peel worth a Damn!

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So I returned to the Clucky Pecker store and demanded a Refund

He egged me on with a “Hell no! You’re not getting’ none!

So since I didn’t have a gun and after three Tries

I egged that bastard right between the Eyes.

I sure hoped my lawyer has the good Sense

To plead the egg salad insanity defense.

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Ladies and gentleman of the jury—we Contend

That the lousy egg salad served

At theBonkers Institute caused my client to kill Again.

He went over-the-wall crazy since he just couldn’t Take It.

Unfortunately, Humpty Dumpty his cell mate didn’t quite Make It


4. Chinese Assembly Torture

I sized up the Box—I’d have it together in two hours Tops.

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Six times I assembled it and took it Apart.

Alas—twenty-three extra pieces! I had used up all my Smarts.

Those instructions were harder to Understand than the book of Daniel

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Screw that fractured English Manual!

Later that Day the cops came and took me Away.

And then a therapist, Dr. Wong shows up

With my half-finished Project.

And says I’ll never get out unlessthe assembly is Correct.


5. Duct Tape

I love duct tape, and I can’t help Blurting

(wrapped tightly enough)

It will even keep gooses from Squirting

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But you can’t tape the antlers back on Mooses

And many are serving hard time for its Abuses.

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Sure, I admit it—I accidentally taped her nose

To her cheek while she was Yelling—

But that shouldn’t make me a Duct Tape, Death—Row Felon!


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