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    • Rhyme Stoppers

      Sample of Rhymes:

      1. ATM Dementia

      Withdrawing money from the ATM, which I dearly Hate,

      (except for a little dementia), I was keeping things Straight.

      So I punched in my pin number and the readout Read

      That’s Columbus’s birthday, you moron!—Try again, ’cause he’s Dead!

      ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      Can you imaginemy embarrassment? Oh—what a Boo-boo!

      I had punched in Columbus’s birthday instead of my birthday (1942).

      ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      Dementia can be pretty Cruel

      But the ATM paid me inPesos—Boy! Was that ever Cool!

      2. Bank Account Libido

      Upon Reflection–a bank account balance is a lot like an Erection.

      You eagerly stroke it with deposits to increase its girth and Size

      And just when you need it most

      It shrivels up before your very Eyes.

      ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      You’ve been banging your bank account way too hard—you Looney!

      How do you expect to generate any interest

      With a bank balance that Puny?

      3. Egg Salad Insanity

      Egg salad sandwiches? That’s my favorite Meal!

      I’d kill for an egg salad sandwich even do the ChickenReel.

      So I was making my egg salad and got into a Jam

      The hard-boiled eggs wouldn’t peel worth a Damn!

      ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      So I returned to the Clucky Pecker store and demanded a Refund

      He egged me on with a “Hell no! You’re not getting’ none!

      So since I didn’t have a gun and after three Tries

      I egged that bastard right between the Eyes.

      I sure hoped my lawyer has the good Sense

      To plead the egg salad insanity defense.

      ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      Ladies and gentleman of the jury—we Contend

      That the lousy egg salad served

      At theBonkers Institute caused my client to kill Again.

      He went over-the-wall crazy since he just couldn’t Take It.

      Unfortunately, Humpty Dumpty his cell mate didn’t quite Make It


      4. Chinese Assembly Torture

      I sized up the Box—I’d have it together in two hours Tops.

      ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      Six times I assembled it and took it Apart.

      Alas—twenty-three extra pieces! I had used up all my Smarts.

      Those instructions were harder to Understand than the book of Daniel

      ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      Screw that fractured English Manual!

      Later that Day the cops came and took me Away.

      And then a therapist, Dr. Wong shows up

      With my half-finished Project.

      And says I’ll never get out unlessthe assembly is Correct.


      5. Duct Tape

      I love duct tape, and I can’t help Blurting

      (wrapped tightly enough)

      It will even keep gooses from Squirting

      ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      But you can’t tape the antlers back on Mooses

      And many are serving hard time for its Abuses.

      ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      Sure, I admit it—I accidentally taped her nose

      To her cheek while she was Yelling—

      But that shouldn’t make me a Duct Tape, Death—Row Felon!


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