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Rhyme Stoppers
Sample of Rhymes:
1. ATM Dementia
Withdrawing money from the ATM, which I dearly Hate,
(except for a little dementia), I was keeping things Straight.
So I punched in my pin number and the readout Read
That’s Columbus’s birthday, you moron!—Try again, ’cause he’s Dead!
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Can you imaginemy embarrassment? Oh—what a Boo-boo!
I had punched in Columbus’s birthday instead of my birthday (1942).
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Dementia can be pretty Cruel
But the ATM paid me inPesos—Boy! Was that ever Cool!
2. Bank Account Libido
Upon Reflection–a bank account balance is a lot like an Erection.
You eagerly stroke it with deposits to increase its girth and Size
And just when you need it most
It shrivels up before your very Eyes.
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You’ve been banging your bank account way too hard—you Looney!
How do you expect to generate any interest
With a bank balance that Puny?
3. Egg Salad Insanity
Egg salad sandwiches? That’s my favorite Meal!
I’d kill for an egg salad sandwich even do the ChickenReel.
So I was making my egg salad and got into a Jam
The hard-boiled eggs wouldn’t peel worth a Damn!
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So I returned to the Clucky Pecker store and demanded a Refund
He egged me on with a “Hell no! You’re not getting’ none!
So since I didn’t have a gun and after three Tries
I egged that bastard right between the Eyes.
I sure hoped my lawyer has the good Sense
To plead the egg salad insanity defense.
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Ladies and gentleman of the jury—we Contend
That the lousy egg salad served
At theBonkers Institute caused my client to kill Again.
He went over-the-wall crazy since he just couldn’t Take It.
Unfortunately, Humpty Dumpty his cell mate didn’t quite Make It
4. Chinese Assembly Torture
I sized up the Box—I’d have it together in two hours Tops.
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Six times I assembled it and took it Apart.
Alas—twenty-three extra pieces! I had used up all my Smarts.
Those instructions were harder to Understand than the book of Daniel
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Screw that fractured English Manual!
Later that Day the cops came and took me Away.
And then a therapist, Dr. Wong shows up
With my half-finished Project.
And says I’ll never get out unlessthe assembly is Correct.
5. Duct Tape
I love duct tape, and I can’t help Blurting
(wrapped tightly enough)
It will even keep gooses from Squirting
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But you can’t tape the antlers back on Mooses
And many are serving hard time for its Abuses.
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Sure, I admit it—I accidentally taped her nose
To her cheek while she was Yelling—
But that shouldn’t make me a Duct Tape, Death—Row Felon!
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